Looking for the Light (Silver Parable)

This is the preemtive to maybe something amazing.

I've been really struggling with my calling the past few days. I wish I wasn't in charge.

With this calling I am always in my head saying sink or swim. I know that if I sink, I won't be asked to be in charge again. But I was called to swim and I am capable of swimming, or maybe just floating on my back. Maybe I need an inner tube for a minute.

Ehh, anyway, I haven't gone upstairs to read my scriptures or patriacal blessing, so this is just off the hip.

The last two days I've really been trying to keep perspective with my calling. I keep thinking that if it's right that I should be a success and feeling good, right? We'll maybe not so much. I try to keep Joseph Smith's life in perspective here. He was doing what was right, but I know that he did not have good days every day. Some pretty crudy ones. Mine are coming from members of the church too, and I got thinking that he had issues from people that supported him, so maybe that's just the way it goes. Also, in my study of the D&C for Sunday School I noticed a lot that sections kept mentioning that part of the whole perfection process and what gets us to the celestial kingdom is our trials. That just sucks. I'm just saying...sucks. Don't tell me I have a fabulous prize at the end, but tell me that getting there is going to be kind of a little bit horrible. I looked for specific scriptures, but they escape me right now.

For now, I'm going to use the analogy that I got in high school from my fabulous camp director Carolyn.

It's the parable of the silver refiner.

There was a group of women in a Bible study of the book of Malachi. As they were studying chapter three, they came across verse three (3) which says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study.
That week this woman called up a silver smith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot - then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.
She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy - It's finished when I can see my image in it."
We can rest easy knowing God never takes His eyes off us when we are in the fire !